31. July 2008 by Julie.

Ryan Passed his test and we are home.  Its so weird to have him home.  My mom and I sat at the kitchen table before taking him out of his car seat and just stared at him forever.  He’s so cute.  Yeah!! We are home. Finally!!  And to the Buttolph Family…thank you for dropping by with Ryan’s gift.  They outfits are adorable.  What a great surprise.  Thanks to all for your support.  I’ll update later.  But he’s home!!!!  That’s all that matters

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31. July 2008 by Julie.

Today is the big day!!!  And I’m a basket case.  I’m sweating and I have an upset stomach.  I should be used to this, eh?  And all I can do today is think of Jessica. I think having the monitor home and all brings back memories. I’m nervous too. Tom and Thomas went to Milwaukee today for the Cubs game.  Something that they have planned for 4 months for Thomas’s b-day.  Tom wanted to cancel but Thomas was looking forward to spending the day with his dad and Tom’s parents. He needs this.  So my mom took the day off of work to come with me.  Plus, its so hard to say goodbye to those wonderful nurses. You build such a relationship with them.  They snuggle with Ryan and fight over him.  You couldn’t ask for better care than that.  I think in years to come when Ryan is older I’m going to school to be a neonatal nurse.  Its something I have felt that was my calling. I’d pass with flying colors after all this.  Well, gotta fly…….gotta vacuum, dust, and wash the dog so everything is clean.  I’ll update later tonight……Thanks for all your messages

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30. July 2008 by Julie.

I have had an overwhelming response for my email so here it is……

julie@babyjessica.net

I hope to get them out this weekend. 

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30. July 2008 by Julie.

Ryan is doing well. Its promising that he’s coming home tomorrow because they scheduled a time tonight to teach Tom and I how to work the apnea monitor and to give us a quick lesson on infant CPR.  Today I sent my fertility doctor a picture of Ryan and said a big thank you to him for making this possible too.  He was wonderful. I know that they will be excited. This weekend my neighbor Michele is giving me a baby shower. It’ll be fun because our neighborhood is filled with great people. A lot of laughs.  As soon as Ryan gets home, I’ll be sending out baby announcements.  I’m going to do something a bit different so I hope it works out.  I hope it doesn’t take too long to get them.  So if you would like one and I don’t have your address, please send me an email with it.  I would love to send you all one.  You guys are our extended family. How could I thank you for always being here to support us?  We’ve been on an amazing journey. Tears and laughs! And now we’ll build new memories with Ryan and cherish the old ones with Jessie.  Soon we will be a family without any tubes, medicines, and nurses but with an angel who will be watching us keeping us safe.

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29. July 2008 by Julie.

Ryan continues to grow stronger and he is having the 3 day test again this week to see if he is having any more apnea spells.  They started him on caffeine which stimulates the brain stem to tell his body to breathe.  Very common and babies are usually only on it for a month.  Again its a maturity thing.  So for all you pregnant moms out there.  Continue to drink your daily Starbucks.  It doesn’t hurt.  I cut out all caffeien basically and if I only knew I would have continued my coffee habits.  Sometimes they tell mothers to drink coffee when they are breastfeeding for the same purposes.  In fact, in Sweden mothers give their babies half coffee in thier bottles with their formulas.  And you know what?  They have the lowest rate for SIDS and healthier babies. Interesting fact for the day!  Anyhoot, I started painting over Jessica’s room.  It looks so different already. I can’t think about it too much or else I get mad.  I don’t know why but I do.  I just want her room to stay the same forever. I feel like now there nothing left of her.  Memories, I know but that is not the same.  I miss her. And I’ll worry until Ryan is 4 that there is nothing wrong with him. Yesterday, he was really squirmy and acted like he was gassy and the nurse said he didn’t poop all day.  So here I’m thinking maybe there is something wrong with his intestines or whatever. So I was nervous as to why he was so fidgety.  Hopefully he’ll just have an explosion and feel better. We hope to bring him home on Thursday.  I’ll call this time so there aren’t any surprises.  He’ll be brought home on the monitor for a  month or so but that’s nothing Tom and I are used to.  So I’m still making trip a couple times a day.  Thomas started football camp this week so Tom meets me there and then I take off for the hospital at night.  Thank you for the continued messages and for checking in.  We’ll get more pictures on the page in the next day or so.  Thank you for all your contiued support also.  Have a good week and try to enjoy the nice weather.  Signing off……

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25. July 2008 by Julie.

Well Ryan didn’t come home today.  He failed his test miserably.  He had too many Apnea spells they thought. So they put him on medicine and will repeat the 3 day test again on Monday.  Of course when I got to the NICU and saw Tom holding Ryan giving me that “look” I cried.  We were so excited.  Thomas was even more excited.  None of the nurses expected him to fail.  They were as shocked as we were but yet siad this was very typical.  I’m so sick of hospitals. I just want him home. I’m sick of pumping every 2 hrs and then having to bring it to the hospital for night feeds, pulling the curtains closed when I want to nurse him, having to answer to the nurses when I can change his diaper or take his temprature.  I just want to love him at home.  I hate leaving him there.  I hate kissing him goodbye and not being able to see him until the next morning. Let’s hope it is just one more week.  We need to be home altogether.  Have a good weekend.  I’ll update later.

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23. July 2008 by Julie.

Ryan will be coming home on Friday!! :)  We can’t wait.  He turned the corner as just as the nurses said he would and started eating regularly.  So now, I’m running like a crazed woman trying to get things done and clean.  I even cleaned the whole inside of my truck for when we bring him home, the linen closet, and the bathroom closet.  Everything but the room.  I’m like the organizing Nazi.  How fun. Thomas can’t wait either.  He hates going to the hospital.  It’ll be nice to finally have him home with us.  So other than that, things are good.  I feel like my ole self again.  Thanks so much for all the nice and wonderful gifts that we have been getting. Especially Nancy Hall, who was the speech therapist who came up to MN fo rher, sent wonderful things for both Ryan and Thomas.  I thank you.  To Michele from MA., thank you for the adorable sweatshirt.  We’ll have to visit that area sometime.  Thanks to all for all your sweet comments and prayers.  Its still amazing to have this kind of following and we still appreciate it so much.

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21. July 2008 by Julie.

ell it was a busy weekend for us.  Ryan got to get the feeding tube out on Saturday because he started eating better.  I’m actually breastfeeding him now when I’m there so that helps out a lot.  They expect him to lose some weight for a day or two before he starts gaining.  But he nurse so well for me, he doesn’t want the bottle.  Which can be very trying if we need to see weight gain steadily going up.  He still has these brady spells which they might start to record when he has them to see if there isn’t any more into it which 9/10 times babies are fine.  Its a preemie thing.  But they won’t let him come home if he is still having them.  I’m exhausted.  Tom and I wish we could be done with hosptals for once and start being a family that is normal and chaotic.  Because Ryan is still in the NICU, I forced myself last night to start on Jessie’s room.  I emptied out her closet and all her drawers.  Gave all her clothes to a friend except the ones I needed to keep.  It wasn’t that hard only because i didn’t look through ‘em.  I just stuffed them into a bag.  Now the big thing is her bedding, her miniature rocker and matching lamp.  If anyone knows anyone nearby that need new bedding with matching accessories, let me know.  I have pics of it.  Or else I’m just going to put it on eBay.  I just feel now that we are taking her room and making into Ryan’s, she’s really gone.  Her room that she really never used is gone.  It’ll be a boys room.  No girly things around anymore. In fact, I keep calling Ryan Jessica when I talk about him to Tom.  I don’t know why but I always call him Jessica. I just don’t want people to forget about her.  And how she fought so hard to stay with us.  We love you, sweet girl. Ryan will be told stories about you. Mommy misses you and loves you and wishes you were here to meet your baby brother. I know you are looking down  on him and Thomas. Thanks everyone for checking in…..

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18. July 2008 by Julie.

Well Ryan continues to get stronger a little at a time.  He is fully nursing with me.  I wish I could be at all his feedings to prove to them he can feed on his own but that’s hard to do.  The doctors are figuring that out slowly.  I’m sure he would do just fine with all me.  He still has his “brady” spells of his heart rate dropping but that is even getting better.  So it is all a maturity thing.  He’s so cute though!  I’m really starting to get attached.  Jessica definitely had her hand in all of this.  Anyway, I do want to throw out a huge special thank you to Karin my girlfriend who was the one who donated her eggs to Tom and I.  Nothing I were to say would even come close to the gratitude I feel.  She made this pregnancy possible and a reality. From the bottom of my heart Karin, Thank you a million times over. I would have never thought about egg donation.  Thank you for bringing that up and thank you Eric for allowing her to make this decision. You will be a special part in our lives and Ryan one day will know what you did.  Thank you again from the both of us.  Have a good weekend all and pray for those kids who are having tough times and their families.  Take Care……

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15. July 2008 by Julie.

Well Ryan continues to do well.  Both the doctors and nurses continue to tell us that its a matter of time for him to get everything coordinated.  He saw the speech therapist to help with some feeding issues.  We changed bottles because the one he had he had to suck to hard to get anything out and it was too much work for him.  He eats well for Tom but not for me.  We are still going twice a day.  Once in the morning and once for his dinner feeds.  Its getting harder to leave him.  I’m no good when I do feed him because at night he’s all tired and usually won’t wake up but I don’t try very hard either becuz all I do is kiss him.  Even the nurse laughed at me.  Today they brought up Occupational therapy and I laughed.  Come on..the poor kid is a week old and already they want to see if OT has anything to say.  Just add another charge to the bill.  Can we please get him to stop having his “brady” spells (his heart rate drops for a few seconds which is normal for preemies) and get his feeding tube out before we bring OT into this. I refused that advice.  Sorry!!  We’ve been there done that.  In the mail, we got a certificate stating that we have helped another person by donating our cord blood [http://www.givcord.org/].  It was a good feeling to know that they got it and it will help , hopefully save someone else. It was important to me to do that.  In fact, I made my sister run the packet over to the hospital quick before I went into surgery.  Luckily we got it just a week earlier.  Thanks everyone for all your nice cards, flowers, and balloons.  Our neighbors Kendra and Jeff  through a bottle of Champagne tied to a ballon into our pool.  Very clever idea.  Thank you for that.  I’m feeling much better today.  I could walk up to the unit without being hunched over or in pain.  But I am still taking it easy.  We have more pictures, I just need to see if Tom is willing to put them up tonight.  Sometimes I look at the pics and I’m still amazed that Ryan is mine.  The name alone sometimes baffles me.  Everything happened so fast its weird.  But both Tom and I agreed that we are happy it was a boy. Tom said with both girls being so sick he feels better we had a boy.  No recessive genes in this one.  So again, thank you all for keeping up with us.  Until next time…….

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