Ryan and Jessica

21. July 2008 by Julie.

ell it was a busy weekend for us.  Ryan got to get the feeding tube out on Saturday because he started eating better.  I’m actually breastfeeding him now when I’m there so that helps out a lot.  They expect him to lose some weight for a day or two before he starts gaining.  But he nurse so well for me, he doesn’t want the bottle.  Which can be very trying if we need to see weight gain steadily going up.  He still has these brady spells which they might start to record when he has them to see if there isn’t any more into it which 9/10 times babies are fine.  Its a preemie thing.  But they won’t let him come home if he is still having them.  I’m exhausted.  Tom and I wish we could be done with hosptals for once and start being a family that is normal and chaotic.  Because Ryan is still in the NICU, I forced myself last night to start on Jessie’s room.  I emptied out her closet and all her drawers.  Gave all her clothes to a friend except the ones I needed to keep.  It wasn’t that hard only because i didn’t look through ‘em.  I just stuffed them into a bag.  Now the big thing is her bedding, her miniature rocker and matching lamp.  If anyone knows anyone nearby that need new bedding with matching accessories, let me know.  I have pics of it.  Or else I’m just going to put it on eBay.  I just feel now that we are taking her room and making into Ryan’s, she’s really gone.  Her room that she really never used is gone.  It’ll be a boys room.  No girly things around anymore. In fact, I keep calling Ryan Jessica when I talk about him to Tom.  I don’t know why but I always call him Jessica. I just don’t want people to forget about her.  And how she fought so hard to stay with us.  We love you, sweet girl. Ryan will be told stories about you. Mommy misses you and loves you and wishes you were here to meet your baby brother. I know you are looking down  on him and Thomas. Thanks everyone for checking in…..

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