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What a Day!

Well today I made the mistake of watching the video Tom put together after Jessie passed away.  Why I watched it? Who knows but I did.  Looking back she was a 6 month old trapped in a 2 year old body. And near the end she looked miserable.  Asolutely miserable.  I can’t believe all that we went through with her. I forgot so many things.  That poor baby suffered.  I felt so bad and I cried and cried throughout the whole thing. I wish I could have her back here with Ryan and Thomas. God I pray that Ryan is really healthy and we have no surprises in the future.  I’ll be good when he passes his year old check-up.  But He’s good.  He slept over 4 hrs last night.  I lay in bed and watch him sleep.  I actually watch his body move up and down making sure he’s breathing.  He is just so sweet and beautiful. His room is all complete and its the brightest room I’ve ever seen.  I didn’t intentionally do it that way but its cute.  Its a bright green on top with cream and blue stripes on bottom.  The theme is Frogs.  I’ll take pictures and put them up.  I know, you all are waiting for Tom to put up other pics.  That’ll happen too.  I promise.  Well life is still great here even though I had my “closet time”  Remember those days?  Anyway, thank you Kerry Figuerido for that cute Gap outfit.  It’ll be perfect for mid-football season.

This entry was posted on 21. August 2008 at 15:45 and is filed under Julie's Status. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

9 Responses to “What a Day!”

  1. Kerry says:
    21. August 2008 at 20:23

    Hey Julie,
    That video is precious and an absolute testiment to the amazing, and yes heartbreaking journey of unconditional love that your family had during the most difficult of days and months….and the birth of Ryan is a continuation of that same testiment of continual love. And I cannot believe, having known, loved and watched Erin with NP, that their lives were just about suffering. The children and young adults With NP I have personally met through the years have been the most Amazing people I have ever encountered in my life. Their spirits and their hearts somehow shielded them from much of the pain that we saw. I have to believe that God had a hand in that. Try and focus on the happy moments, you know that picture from RMH in her big bonnet smiling at the camera…with her “Burt” eyebrows, and her 1st birthday in her princess dress. And how about Mother’s Day, snuggling with her and Thomas! Remember the Rainbow on your trip home! Then there was her huge “space chair”, My that was some contraption! I recall the picture of her sitting up on the couch just “hanging” out, looking so lovely. And those glasses….she was so damn cute with her glasses! Her and Thomas snuggling in her bed! Dressing up for Halloween and Christmas…Think of those precious times. I know thats what many of us did while following this journey with you.
    And when your watching Ryan sleep tonight, and after youv’e kissed Thomas goodnight, and your in the quiet, remember your Lil’ Girl will forever have a carved place in your heart, and you in hers. For all of time, until you meet again.
    Sweet Dreams
    xoxo

  2. A Friend says:
    21. August 2008 at 20:29

    I like the “Frog” theme! We can all watch and read as your little tadpole grows into a frog! As for watching the video,
    I would think it is only natural to want to remember Jessie at times when you are with Ryan and remember her baby times. I am guessing your are remembering the beautiful sweet Jessie that you always referred to and not the one that was in pain-you remember her spirit and the joy you saw in her and the spirit that lives on in Ryan. Ryan wouldn’t even be here if it were not for Jessica. One person NEVER replaces another, but a spirit lives on. To me it seems you are healing more and more. You still have your “closet time” and are remembering Jessica as you always will and should. But you are remembering her in joy and are not always tortured by the pain-only the video reminded you of the pain. As you wrote, you forgot so many things. You forgot the pain, none of the joy. I see this as the strong Julie once again shinning through! I see this as Jessica once again helping you move forward-NEVER forgeting, NEVER stopping loving her, but moving on in life until you are with her again. Julie, I hope that I have NOT in anyway hurt you with my words, because I would never want to do this. I just want to convey that I see your message as positive. I see you are tentatively moving forward. You and your family have had such ups and downs over the years. You have been blessed with wonderful children and then had Sydney and Jessica cruelly taken away. You have had your hopes built up and then crushed beyond belief. You have been experiencing joy these last few weeks with Tom, Thomas and Ryan and you created a bright and beautiful room for Ryan to express that joy. You had your closet time because you are afraid it will all be ripped away again. But all of your “cyber friends” and your family and friend are praying and sending good wishes and as the saying goes “I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that God holds the future!” I am anxious to see pictures, but will wait until your family has the time. I do want to say that your birth announcement was the most beautiful I have ever seen. To include Thomas was AWESOME! OK, I have rambled on too long. But I just want to close with saying, Julie, you are a wonderful person. You have made such an impact on so many lives and I think you have barely scratched the surface on what you can do!!!! Blessings to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Wendy Stedge says:
    22. August 2008 at 14:21

    Julie, We are all praying right along with you that Ryan is healthy and you do not have surprises in the future! I believe in my heart he is perfectly healthy and wonderful in every way! That is what I want for you & your family! I am sure watching the video made you so sad, but one true thing is for certain - Jessica was surrounded by nothing but love and loved all of you! I hope the happy times can shine through and that you’re making more happy memories every day with Ryan at home now! I know just what you mean about watching him sleep, I do that with Mikaelie too! I wish you guys all the best & much happiness to come! Look forward to seeing the new pictures…take care! Love, Wendy

  4. Jenn and Tommy says:
    25. August 2008 at 14:52

    Jules- I wish I could HUG you- thanks for your e-mail. I have a lot to tell you so I’ll have to take time to sit and write you a letter- life has been a whirlwind for us but I always, ALWAYS think of you and my prayers and hopes are with you as is my heart. love, Jenn

  5. Kerry says:
    25. August 2008 at 17:42

    Julie and Tom
    I received your Beautiful Birth announcement this past weekend…Precious! Thank You for thinking of me!
    xoxo

  6. Maureen says:
    29. August 2008 at 11:06

    Hi Julie,

    Checking in to see how all the boys are doing. Looking forward to meeting Ryan some day. The birth announcment was precious. I can’t believe how big he is! So happy to hear everything is going so well. We pray Ryan is healthy and happy forever!! Enjoy your weekend. God bless Jessica and the Tucker Family. Love, Maureen,Tim, Connor and Delaney

    P.S. Kerry’s message was beautifully written and so true. It brought tears to my eyes. You have such a strong and supportive network of friend and family.

  7. rktunyqu says:
    21. November 2008 at 02:11

    rktunyqu…

    rktunyqu…

  8. Fran Dugo says:
    21. November 2008 at 10:05

    Hello Tuckers
    I cannot tell you how overjoyed I am for you all. Ryan is a beautiful little boy. Julie you look great. Thomas has grown so. I have been following and not having time to email or leave a comment. But know you will always be in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you all. What a beautiful family you all are.
    Love, thoughts and prayers always,
    Fran Dugo

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