24. October 2008 by Julie.

Once again life here is great. Ryan is getting big, he’s even trying to pull himself up to sit.  He gets his head and tries to lift his shoulders up. Its been a very long time since I’ve seen that.  He’s also losing his hair.  I was so freaked out yesterday when I was giving him a bath and all his baby fine hair was coming out.  It brought back all the awful memories of Jessica’s hair falling out.  So I called Dr Tjaden and they said it was normal at this age but it hard to look at. But I wish a family that lives behind us and their daughter goes to school with Thomas could be so happy.  Their 5 day old daughter passed away on Wednesday from causes we don’t know of yet. So if I could ask all my prayer warriors to ay a little prayer for them I would be so grateful.  They are a wonderful loving family with 4 children. Everything was good and the baby appeared to be healthy so too have to go through this …my heart feels for them.  So thank you and my little girl, hold Erin’s hand and let her family know she’s okay.  Have  good weekend my friends…

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14. October 2008 by Julie.

Good Morning all,  We had a great weekend.  Let me begin by saying Ryan is getting 2 bottom teeth already.  He just turned 3 months last Tuesday.  The poor thing can’t even chew on a teether because he doesn’t understand how to chomp down on one yet.  He’s getting big and he’s been such a happy little thing.  Smiling and laughing quite often.  What a change from just a few weeks ago.  Hopefully getting out of the fussy stage.  He’s not sleeping any better but that the least of my worries.

On another note…..I threw Tom a surprise party on Saturday night which was a blast.  I hired a belly dancer and Tom seemed to get into that.  She gave him the finger symbols and off dancing he went with the girl.  It was too funny! He would be a good belly dancer himself, I think.  He got the moves down pat.  Thanks to all who came out.  It was a good time.  It was so good to see a few of you that we don’t get to see too often.

Thomas is back to football. We won our first playoff game and we have one more to win before our “superbowl”. He’s doing real well with that.  His knee seems to be okay but he also plays with a brace on for protection. We have some pictures of Thomas from football on our Shutterfly web page to view.  Anyways, life is good. I’m trying to get a final date for Ryan’s baptism.  Every weekend I pick somone can’t be there and its getting to be a big pain.  Hopefully we can do it before he turns a year old. (haha)  Oh well, thanks for checking in and have a good week.

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30. September 2008 by Julie.

Well we got some new pictures up but Tom has to put the recent ones on.  He’s so much bigger now.  Anyways, I’ll get right on it. Everything is going well.  Last night I went to see Celine Dion in concert up in Milwaukee with my sister and mom.  She was incredible and put on such a fantastic show.  We had a ton of fun. Tom stayed home with Thomas and the baby. Thomas started playing the clarinet which the boys had fun in playing last night. We are still busy with football.  only 3 more games left. Two weeks ago Thomas hurt his knee during practice. He was caught in a pile up and his knee went one way and he went another.  So he’s in a brace with some pulled ligaments but hopefully he can get back into the game by the last one.  Our Superbowl.  Hopefully the Orhto doc will release him to play if everything is healed.  Thomas has been bummed that he can;t play but we don’t need any knee problems later in his life.   Ryan is getting so big.  He’s so alert and notices things now.  He’s so cute.  We switched his formula which has made a big difference.  He was so gassy and fussy before. But now he’s much better. Tom turns the BIG 40 on Thursday.  I can’t believe it.  I have a few things planned for him but I can’t tell quite yet. So that is what is happening in the Tucker household.  Keeping busy and loving life.  Thanks for all your messages and my job these next few weeks are to get my book published.  So I’ll be busy with that.  So enjoy the weather before it gets to cold and I’ll add more pics.  Take Care.  Signing off………………

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28. September 2008 by Julie.

Julie has been bugging me to get some photos online.  I have posted some new photos on a Shutterfly site.   Checkout the link:  www.thetuckerfamilyonline.shutterfly.com   I have also placed a permanent link in the link section on the left.  Enjoy,.

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17. September 2008 by Julie.

I keep bugging Tom to put pictures on but he hasn’t yet.  Ryan looks so big these days.  A whole 10lbs now.  He looks around and now smiles at you when you talk to him.  Its so cute.  He’s not sleeping through the night yet which is making my eyes bug out of my head but it could be worse.  It really doesn’t bother me too much.  I take advantage of it.  We talk, I kiss him and we I sing to him.  I’m mean it won’t last forever even though some nights it feels like it.  But I don’t need a whole lot of sleep anyway so its not bad.  Thomas is doing real well this year in football.  I thinkg both my boys enjoy it.  Tom likes working with the kids and fooling around with them.  Its been fun.  Thomas has also picked to be in th eband this year.  Playing the clarinet.  You have to play a years worth of that before you can play the saxaphone which he eventually wants to do.  He’s another one who is getting to big tooo fast.  He is getting so grown up.  But he’s very mature for his age.  Wise beyond his years.  Well, I need to get dinner started. Tom has softball and Thomas and I have shows to watch.  Thanks for your comments and hope everyone is doing well.

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10. September 2008 by Julie.

Hello all. I think we are finally getting Fall weather.  Its been chilly and damp now.  I feel like summer was never here. We had a few hot days but nothing like normal.  Pretty soon the cold weather will be here and we will all be wishing we had this weather.  Oh well!! Ryan is doing well.  Not napping for long during the day as much as I would like him too but that’s okay.  More time to give him kisses. Sunday will be Jessie’s 2 year anniversary.  Can you believe it?  I can’t. Its still not fair. Some days I feel like she’s been gone for a life time and others I feel like it was yesterday. Even though I made Jessie’s room into Ryan’s, Thomas will not step foot into it. If I ask him to get something out of there for Ryan, he refuses.  I feel so bad for him that he still hurts. I can’t get over the love he had for her at such a young age.  Its amazing to me. I still have her glasses on the bathroom counter where I put them one day when she was living but they were bothering her so I set them on the bathroom counter for some reason or another and today they still sit there.  When I clean the bathroom counter, I dust her glasses off and put them back where they were. I have her pink Nike shoes that she wore a few times still sitting on our entertainment unit along with the clippings of her curly hair that Marisa her Hospice nurse cut when she passed away for me to have. The “famous” Cleveland golf hat still remains unworn in our closet that we have her picture taken in when we thought she was healthy and Tom wore it all the time in Minnesota because she loved to stare at it.  It simply sucks!! And in every room there’s a piece of her. And even though, Ryan brings me great joy and happiness that I haven’t felt in a long time…..my heart still feels heavy for Jess. I’m very lucky to have my boys and I love them to pieces but it would be nice to have my girls also. I guess I have my family of four but they are not all with me here. And now I face the questions again about why the big gap in ages but I tell them  now that I have one in the middle that passed away .  I say it proudly because Jessie was so strong and courageous and I want to be just like her and let everyone that she was our precious angel. So now I sing Ryan all the songs that I sang to Jessica and sometimes I cry while I sing them and other times I look at Ryan and see Jess through his eyes. The last few days I have been seeing a white butterfly hanging around my deck in the backyard.  I go out and talk to it (if someone saw mew they would think I was crazy) but maybe it is her knowing that its not a good time this month and she’s with me.  Who knows but the mind makes you think all different kinds of things. So why not? One day we will know.  We love you baby girl and we miss you terribly. I hope you are laughing and happy up in heaven. I hope you and Anna are great friends. At least you are at peace now sweet girl. Mommy gives you butterflies kisses……..

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4. September 2008 by Julie.

Sorry its been awhile.  Life has been busy and hell, I’ve been enjoying my lil guy so much.  I feel like there’s not enough time in the day anymore.  I try to give equal attention to Thomas at night  to make sure he doesn’t feel left out.  I think I’m more worried about that than he is. Well, My girlfriend Karin had her baby.  And yes!!  Its a boy also.  Kolton is his name and he was 6lbs. 1 oz.  I visited her today and both are doing well.  He’s a week old and Ryan next to him looks like a tank.  It was so funny.  Ryan is only 7lbs but next to a new newborn he’s huge.  Ryan is doing well.  He’s a good sleeper during the day.  Already on a schedule with napping.  At night he sleeps good at first and after that first wake up it goes down hill.  He’s wide eyed at 4am but he’s smiling and cooing.  How could I not talk to him.  Tom wishes I would shut up and go back to bed but Ryan looks so darn cute, I have to chat with the little fella. 

Well, it was Thomas’s first day of 5th grade.  I can’t believe he’s this old already and here I’m starting all over again.  I didn’t go back to school this year and I’m missing it.  Its just getting into a new routine I guess.  I miss all my friends at school and the kids.  We did a lot of laughing.  Kids can have such a sense of humor.  I have to find out how my Josh did.  He doesn’t have me or an aid this year and we sad that I wasn’t going to be there with him.  I hope he did okay.

Saturday, it is our 11th year anniversary.  Tom is taking me out to dinner downtown to an awesome steak house.  I love steak.  It’ll be nice to have a date night with him.  Its been quite sometime.  I feel like 11 years is a long time with everything we’ve been through but I wouldn’t trade him for the world even though he still can’t find certain things without my help. Typical man.  Well, life is hectic with football, Ryan, and now school but this is what I’ve wanted for a long time.  Chaos, stress, love, craziness, its all good. Its all normal!!  Thanks for checking in. Thanks for your support.  Don’t forget my baby girl.  She gave Ryan her blue eyes.  She’s our angel and we miss her even more. We love you sweetheart and we thank you for sending another angel down to us.  Signing off……

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21. August 2008 by Julie.

Well today I made the mistake of watching the video Tom put together after Jessie passed away.  Why I watched it? Who knows but I did.  Looking back she was a 6 month old trapped in a 2 year old body. And near the end she looked miserable.  Asolutely miserable.  I can’t believe all that we went through with her. I forgot so many things.  That poor baby suffered.  I felt so bad and I cried and cried throughout the whole thing. I wish I could have her back here with Ryan and Thomas. God I pray that Ryan is really healthy and we have no surprises in the future.  I’ll be good when he passes his year old check-up.  But He’s good.  He slept over 4 hrs last night.  I lay in bed and watch him sleep.  I actually watch his body move up and down making sure he’s breathing.  He is just so sweet and beautiful. His room is all complete and its the brightest room I’ve ever seen.  I didn’t intentionally do it that way but its cute.  Its a bright green on top with cream and blue stripes on bottom.  The theme is Frogs.  I’ll take pictures and put them up.  I know, you all are waiting for Tom to put up other pics.  That’ll happen too.  I promise.  Well life is still great here even though I had my “closet time”  Remember those days?  Anyway, thank you Kerry Figuerido for that cute Gap outfit.  It’ll be perfect for mid-football season.

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18. August 2008 by Julie.

Things are continuing to go well.  Ryan is just so adorable.  He’s an extremely good baby except for the fact he’s very gassy.  I’ve tried to look online about gassy babies and breastfeeding but they don’t say too much.  most say cut out dairy which I’m trying today.  The pooor baby passes gas like a man. I feel sorry for him.  He fusses a lot because of it. So hopefully it’ll pass as he gets older.  he hasn’t had any spells since on the caffiene which is nice.  Only a few more weeks of the medicine and we’ll see how he does after that. He’s sleeping okay through the night.  He still gets up every 3 hrs sometimes more if he falls asleep during feeding.  Ya know how that is! 

Anyway, Thomas is busy with football now and pretty soon he’ll be in school. Its going to be weird not going back with him.  I’m still kind of torn but I’ll take my time with Ryan , I guess and take advantage of it.  Thomas doesn’t mind either. I just love working with the people I do.  I’ll miss the kids more importantly.  Especially my lil Josh. Well, I have to go.  I’m going on my walk with my boys. (sounds weird)  Thanks for checking in. I’ll get some pics on the page soon.  Take care and enjoy your week.

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10. August 2008 by Julie.

Ryan is doing well.  Sorry for the delay in updates but we have been experiencing computer problems with our wireless connection which goofs up our internet.  It took a few days to really get into a routine.  It was hard getting used to things again.  We were so used to putting Jessie down and being able to have her sit/lay in one spot for hours without moving or fussing.  Ryan fusses or is wide awake or wants to be held and it was like I had no time to do anything.  But its all good now.  I just sit and stare at him.  He’s a good baby.  He eats every 3 hrs. around the clock.  The night isn’t bad because he barely cries.  He just stirs around until I pick him up. Breastfeeding is going a lot better than I would have ever thought. Everything is working out perfect.  Thomas has been a trooper too.  Sometimes I wouldn’t mind fast forwarding by a few months because I’m still worried about the infant stages and making sure Ryan is okay.  I took him to see Dr Tjaden.  Can’t forget Dr. Tjaden.  Ryan is in the 50 percent tile for weight and height and doing good.  So all in all, I can take a deep breath for now.  Thank you for all your sweet messages, your nice cards that I have recieved from you in the mail and Brink family from Wyoming…thank you for the adorable baby gap outfit.  It’ll fit him perfectly by the Fall.  I’ll be putting some more pictures on the page soon.  Thank you for checking in…enjoy your week.

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